tell me what to do...

am i supposed to kill my self now???
i can't handle it anymore...
there's a pain in me that i can't even describe..
all the loneliness and heart ache..
fear and sudden pain..
mourning and barrels of tears...
its all over me..
it made me weak..
very weak..


my heart is broken into pieces...
like a glass falls from a 50 ft floor..
exaggerated as it is but truly i feel that way...
i wanted to cry while I'm writing this, but i don't want my keyboard to be wet..
Ive learned that my secret love/crush/confidant/husband to be had been courting a pretty faced girl in the school..
that hurts me a lot.,
though i don't have the right to feel like this..
its just so painful...
i feel like i wanted to die...
at least when i die he would recognize my existence....
i will make a letter and addressed to him..
tell my suffering just for him to noticed me..
tell him how and what i really feel...
am i supposed to eat Ra cumin??
or drink Formaldehyde??
should i walked in dark alley and wait for some pervert to kill me??
just for him to know my name..
for him to know that someone is living him dutifully and willing to do anything for him...

so cheesy but damn true...

then, my great grand mother died...
that felt so terrible for me..
since i will not be able to attend the funeral..
i still have many stuff to do and our prelim will be next week..
too bad..
i feel guilty...
my lula was so good to me and my sis..
she was so caring..
a typical lola..
i know you will forgive me for not attending your funeral...
i have my proper reason..
I LOVE YOU LULA...
You will always stay's in my heart...



is it crying that i'm gonna do???
or im just gonna shut my mouth up??
or just kill my self..(if i can't take it anymore..)
or just talk and be nice to my jeff and tell him what i really feel.
or kick him in his balls and say "you dick head I'd been so into you this past few months... can you be just mine..and..please don't talk.."" let me do the talking,, im expert to that..."
write him a letter and confess my love to him??


TELL ME..
TELL ME..
TELL me..